I would have ruined that baby’s life.

by Lluvia

May 11, 2020

Content Warning: severe depression

I was intimate with my college roommate for months and eventually got pregnant. During that time, I was drinking daily trying to mask a severe depression.

I decided to get an abortion because I could not take care of myself, let alone care for someone else.

I had a dog at the time and often fantasized about killing it because I perceived his life with me to be miserable. Deep down I knew a pregnancy and trying to raise a baby under those conditions would be risky to say the least, so I decided to stop it around the 8th week.

Abortions are illegal in my country, and after searching for a while I found a gynecologist to whom I explained why I wanted to get one. She had been on the front lines fighting for the right to choose since she was in med school. We had a long conversation about the possible outcomes of me having that baby, she was a very supportive woman and wanted to know I would not end up in shambles after taking such an important decision, given how mentally fragile I was at the time.

I stand by my choice, going through it allowed me to look at my life with a different perspective and get help to build myself back up. I went on to marry my roommate 5 years later and we have 4 amazingly beautiful kids.

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