I wish someone had been there for me

by B

July 19, 2022

I was fertile that day and I knew it. I told him to pull out, like he’d successfully done tens of times before. He didn’t. I took Plan B even though I knew it probably wouldn’t work at that point. It didn’t. I knew I was pregnant days before any test would reveal it – intuition or something.

I’m in my early 30s, and even though I never envisioned myself with kids, I knew I could do it. I had the resources. He’s in his early 20s and nowhere near ready financially or emotionally. He’s pro-life, so he wanted me to have the baby and put it up for adoption. I couldn’t bear to give away a baby that I knew I could love and take care of, and to be honest I was scared of even going through pregnancy alone (we aren’t dating) much less raising a baby. If he had wanted to raise the baby with me, I would have gone through with it. But he didn’t, and I didn’t want to do it alone. So I got an abortion.

I took the first pill at Planned Parenthood, exactly a month from the date of conception, and it went smoothly. I took the second pill at home the next day. I had heard that the pain was comparable to a bad period, but for me at its height, the pain was much worse. I had already taken too much ibuprofen and was still in horrible pain. They had told me to alternate between ibuprofen and extra strength tylenol because then I could take them closer together, but I didn’t have tylenol (figured ibuprofen would be enough; I was wrong). I texted the only two people who I told about the abortion, and who both live close to me – the guy who got me pregnant and the person I considered my best friend. I knew they weren’t working that day and I asked each of them to please go buy me tylenol (there is a pharmacy 2 minutes from my house) and drop it off – they could even just leave it outside my door. Neither responded, so I just had to deal with the intense pain.

Two and a half hours later I was pretty sure I had passed the pregnancy and the pain had subsided enough for me to go out and buy it myself. I texted both of them “nevermind.” I know this was a traumatic experience for the guy too and he wanted to be far away from it, so I don’t blame him, and he did apologize later on for not being there for me. But I never received any texts back from my “best friend” on that matter, not even a “Sorry I was busy, but are you okay?”

I am vehemently pro-choice, but abortion was still so hard for me emotionally. I loved and mourned the baby even though I knew I didn’t want one under these circumstances. I don’t regret making the choice I did, but I regret that I got into the position where I had to make it. I resent that I had to go through it alone. And I wish the people I had told would have cared enough to put aside whatever prejudices they had and do the bare minimum of asking if I was okay when I reached out to them while in the worst pain of my life.

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