I wish I loved myself

by Rose

April 13, 2022

Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be the one getting an abortion. I never looked down upon it. It’s a woman’s choice at the end of the day. When I realized I was first pregnant , I panicked and ran to the last person I’d ever thought I’d tell; my mom. Last person I ended up telling was my boyfriend. It was very devastating to realize how something so beautiful became so scary. I was 5 weeks.

We both agreed we were not ready we were only dating for 1.5 years. I proceeded on with the abortion and it didn’t bother me. Two and a half months passed by and I was pregnant again!!!. I know I wanted to be a mom more than anything in this world. But I knew if we weren’t ready the first time there wasn’t a shot we’d be ready now. And when I went to my appointment at the OBGYN … there was a heartbeat and everything changed. My decision my heart grew for this thing growing in me. I was determined to keep it. I spoke to my boyfriend on the other hand and he was not ready at all in fact scared. When it came to his parents they did not want it either. It was frustrating with all the hormones that I wasn’t able to control. I had cried my eyes out multiple times begging to try… The only support I ever had was my mother. I loved this man so much I proceeded with a second abortion. I didn’t once think of: what do I want to do? I bled for 60 days after my second abortion. I was 8 weeks along. Till this day I regret not loving myself and letting go of something I always wanted to be, a mother. No one is ever ready.

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