I wish I could say it was as easy.

At age 28, I took a pregnancy test after being sick for about four days following a missed period. I was pregnant, but never wished to become pregnant, all because my birth control failed.

I’ve struggled with mental illness, poverty, and grief most of my life and I know that I would not make a good mother. I want to be a good mother, but there are so many things about my personality that inhibit me from being so. Due to these circumstances, I had sequential IUDs placed from 2014-2022. Since they don’t offer local anesthesia during the IUD placement or removal, I decided to move to the Nuvaring after my last IUD was removed. I couldn’t handle the pain – AGAIN! After about a year of using the Nuvaring, in October 2023, I found out I was six weeks pregnant. My heart dropped. I was on birth control and I STILL got pregnant. I knew immediately I wanted an abortion, told my husband my plan, and later that week we went to Planned Parenthood together to end my pregnancy. There was no way that I was going to be able to afford and support a child for at least the next 18 years.

Over a year later, I still grieve my decision, thinking “If I would have kept them, I wouldn’t feel guilty”, but the thought of not having a child living in a household in which they would not thrive makes me at ease. I’m almost 30, and while I wish I could be a good mother, I know I am not cut out for it.