I was mentally exhausted

by Anonymous

June 23, 2020

Content Warning: mention of suicide

My first pregnancy was a great one, but I went through a lengthy postpartum depression period and nearly became suicidal. It took a year to regain my mental stamina. A little while after, my son was diagnosed with ASD. My husband and I were drowning in paperwork and doctor’s appointments and trying to accept our new reality and were shell-shocked…and then not 3 months into the diagnosis,  we became pregnant despite using protection. We thought about it a whole week but ultimately I aborted because neither one of us was in the mental space to handle a new child when our world was already shaken by a life changing diagnosis. I couldn’t fathom having a special needs toddler alongside a newborn and possibly facing intense depression on top of it all. If I had kept that child, I may have killed myself. Do I have sadness and regret sometimes that I had to make that choice? Yes.  But I chose my sanity and the betterment of my family. And I will not apologize for it.

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