I found out I was pregnant quite early on – but still after Texas’ new deadline. It wasn’t planned but I thought I wanted to keep it. The father definitely wanted to keep it, even though we weren’t together.
The first thing he said to me after we found out was “I’ll need to know everyone you’re seeing from now on.” It became very clear, very quickly that this wasn’t about having a baby for him. It was about having control over my life.
By the end of the first trimester, after weeks of deliberation, his behaviour had made the decision for me. He had already threatened me with court action and refused to take paternity leave for this hypothetical child. We had a lot of bombastic conversations about his career ambitions and how those would remain his priority, with no consideration for the life I would be sacrificing.
He then admitted to a number of things he felt I should know before I was tied to him forever with this baby. The less complex included the other women he had been seeing during our relationship and had relentlessly lied about. He cheats on everyone, so this wasn’t a shock.
But then he told me about his past arrest for sexual assault, something I obviously didn’t know about before.
I had an abortion at 14 weeks. Unlike Uma Thurman, it’s not my darkest secret (not that I have many). We should all talk about it more. It’s thanks to the multiple women I know who have been through the same thing and shared their stories with me that I felt empowered to make my decision.
In the aftermath, he promised he would be by my side even when I asked him to leave. Love bombing, speaking about marriage and ‘our future’. Then, predictably, he went away, met the first woman who was willing to give him an inch of attention and cut me off. This was the final piece of justification I needed.
To the Texan senators and so-called ‘pro lifers’, I ended my pregnancy because I wanted to protect the wellbeing of my baby from this man. How about we take the blame away from the women. Abortion isn’t heartless or selfish. If I had acted selfishly, I would be nearly 8 months now.
I’m grateful every day that I live in a country where I had the time to change my mind, once I had all the information I needed to make the right decision.
