I’m just 20 so I didn’t know what to expect. A lot of things happened during my pregnancy. A lot of emotions. Since day one, I knew I wanted to abort but I had such a supportive partner at the time. He made me change that. He gave me hope that we’d be a nice little family.
Things shift, and he didn’t want it anymore. I was confused. I kept asking myself why give me hope, give me this idea of us being a little family and just now realize a baby would change our life. I was so sad. I wanted to abort it. I didn’t want to be a single mom. But I was confused. I would see little babies in public, and it would made me think about mine. It would make me think that can be me. But, at the same time, I would think about how much I was going to be struggling but I know I would’ve done anything to provide for my little one.
I went to the ultrasound appointment and they said it didn’t have a heartbeat yet that it might’ve been too small to hear it. So I went again. A week later. Another ultrasound, I see the image of my stomach was empty. No fetus anymore. What I saw last week was gone. It was just the bag. An empty bag. The doctor spoke to me. I was so confused. I was sad but I felt guilty for being sad. I felt like it was my fault. Because I couldn’t make up my mind. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be sad but I was.
The next days, I started to bleed clogs and clogs. I was in so much pain. I haven’t been outside in a while because I’m nervous I might breakdown if I see a baby because they could’ve been me. It just wasn’t my time to be a mom but whenever it is, I know God will bless me with a small little one.
