I was alone. I had to go through with my decision completely alone and scared.

by JD

November 23, 2020

2019 was a bad year from the get for me. To blow off steam I met some friends for drinks. At some point in the night “Durkin” a kid from High School came into the picture. I don’t remember much about that night it all went dark. I remember the next morning, he asked me to take him home, he had to be in Columbus. I said okay, at this point I didn’t even know we slept together. He sent me a text thanking me for the ride , and said “I can’t believe I finished in you”. This was the first instance of me realizing holy shit we had sex. I was on the pill so even though I was freaked out, I thought I was fine.

Fast forward and a few weeks go by and no period. Which wasn’t completely abnormal for me but still just to be sure I took a test, and sure enough there were two faint little lines that appeared. I was alone. I cried. I hadn’t talked to “Durkin” since that night, I mean hell I barely knew the kid and suddenly I had this whole little life inside me that we created.

I sent him a text with a photo of the test. He freaked out and tried telling me that those test weren’t always accurate. He told me to go to the doctors just to make sure and that he’d talk to me next week. He said he needed some space that weekend to deal. This would soon be a pattern with “Durkin”, when I needed him he would block me or say he needed space and to not text him.

The only person in the world who knew what I was going though and he refused to be there. After I went to the doctors and the pregnancy was confirmed, he told me I had to get an abortion. He said he was only 23, he still lived at home and could barely afford to support himself how could he support a kid. There was no discussion on keeping the baby or not. He was set, the abortion was our only option. He called Planned Parenthood and discussed price and the options I had. Since it was early on I could take the pill and “Durkin” convinced me that this is what we would do. I didn’t have much time to think because any longer and I’d have been too far along for the pill. “Durkin” met me in a parking lot and handed me cash, he said he didn’t feel comfortable going with me to the appointment. Said it wasn’t his place to be there. He also didn’t want anyone to see us together so we were in a random parking lot completely hidden from any eyes in our small town.

So I went to the appointment. I had the abortion. I was alone. “Durkin” told me to never tell my story. To keep it on the DL because we both grew up Catholic and something like this getting out would destroy everything. Specially considering I was a legacy at our former High School and he was a Star football player. However,  Small Town Secrets tend to come out eventually, I know I did the right thing. At least that’s what I tell myself these days. It was one of the hardest things I went through and I still think about what I did but it doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as it used to. And as for “Durkin” I don’t really know what became of him, other than I heard I’m not the only girl he has done this to.

But you see that’s the problem, when you don’t educate teens on sex / abortions any of it. These things tend to happen and neither side knows how to handle it. If these things were talked about more, there would be less shame and less guilt that came with these decisions.

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