I wanted to be a mother but not with him

by Anonymous

November 19, 2021

Content Warning: violence and assault

I have always longed to be a mother. I was married to a man that was volatile. His behavior was unpredictable, controlling, verbally abusive and he would destroy our home. His anger and violence was escalating with each fight. He deprived me of sleep. Would kick and hit me while he was ‘sleeping’. He would flip the mattress and knock me on the floor while I slept. Smashed my phone, took my keys and wallet and locked me out of the house.

I had miscarried in March and had a massive feeling of relief. The following months I was tracking my cycles and being carful not to get pregnant. During that time I was in counseling, saving money to leave and just trying to survive. I left in early July and found out a few weeks later I was pregnant. He was continuing to contact me, made attempts to get my work schedule, tried to log into my home security system. I felt more unsafe during that time than ever and knew I could not safely raise a child with him. Nor could I financially survive. I had a medical abortion at home. It allowed me peace and complete separation from someone who I feared. Abortion allowed me to free myself from any connection to him.

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