I wanted more for me.

by Mars

January 5, 2022

I am 22, Black, She/Her, Intersex, Pansexual and identify as non-binary, but I do have Female designated organs. I got pregnant 2 times this year, back to back. It was during the scariest time of my life, I was just finishing University, moved in with my abusive boyfriend, who would also father the children, had they been carried to term, and knew that while I desperately want children one day, this wasn’t the place, time or way to start a family. For me, pregnancy can trigger harsh feelings, but as a person, it’s about deciding for myself, what I want in my life, what/who I can support and facilitate healthily. I knew a baby wouldn’t have the safest, consistent life with me being so young, unstable, currently in an abusive partnership, and no real friends/family nearby. So I made the decision, for me. I want to choose me, not against anyone else, but because I’m my only advocate, and taking on a baby means I would be everything for them as well. It’s a lot of responsibility that for me, I could not handle. I chose abortion, for the first time, and have no preexistent children, now here I am again, pregnant, and plan to do it again, within 3 months of each other. Don’t blame yourself for getting pregnant, after one time is all it takes, and you deserve your life, your experiences, and to live for you, as well as choosing when to share your life to live along with others. Please put yourself first, you matter too.

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