I took control of my future

by Billie

January 7, 2022

It was 2006. I was 19 and in my first term at university. I was in a emotionally abusive relationship which it would take me a further 2 years to leave but I knew I did not want to tether my future to him. I have no regrets. I never have. My only sadness is at how alone I felt not being able to speak to anyone about it. Being young and freshly moved out of home there were so many opinions flying around from everyone on absolutely everything – I was so determined to not be the subject of any opinion that I went to  every appointment and my abortion alone.

At one appointment my male doctor advised me that abortion “is not a form of contraception and should not be treated like one” a phrase that baffles me still.

On the day of my abortion a nurse was trying to take some bloods and said while trying to find a vein “let’s try and get this first time…you’ve been poked and rodded enough!” when she left I cried because it was the first time someone had mentioned that I was going through something. Not that I had ‘done’ something to myself. It was the only time I cried. Discussing it now openly with a friend who had an abortion recently I know that women are treated with a lot more understanding and empathy than I received 15 years ago.

I have zero regrets on my abortion. Looking back I am proud of myself. I made a decision for myself. I went through it myself. And I have never, once, apologised to anyone for it. And I never will.

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