I was 21 weeks and 5 days pregnant when I found out, through an anatomy scan, that the baby inside me had an anomaly. He was missing part of his brain called the corpus collasum, which connects the two sides of the brain. It was absolutely devastating. This was my first pregnancy- my husband and I decided to try for a baby and it happened so quickly, I wasn’t sure how to feel at first. I was freaked out by everything; I thought I was giving up by becoming a mom. But when we got this diagnosis everything changed in an instant. Suddenly I was faced with the most profound choice that I had to make for my child. I was not prepared for this. No one can ever be. But I was so lucky to have a supportive partner and amazing, compassionate doctors by my side. This diagnosis was especially tough because it is not definitive. Outcomes and severity of outcomes can vary. It is possible to live into adulthood with this diagnosis, but it is also very possible to have an awful quality of life. The risks were ultimately too high for us, and after considering all the medical information we had, we decided to have an abortion.
I’ve been through such a journey on how I feel about the whole thing but I’ve never regretted it. I knew then and still know it was the right choice for us. I have two living sons now, and one I never got to meet. I think of him often.
One aspect of abortion we don’t talk about, which I feel deeply, is that sometimes deciding not to have a child is an act of mercy – for the child, not just the parent.
