I was immediately sick to my stomach when I saw the pregnancy test was positive. I was a few days late (very rare), and took a test without expecting anything.

My marriage is failing, and we already had twins. My feelings about this baby(ies?) kept waxing and waning. Maybe it would be great, to have just one! To be pregnant with just one! But, what if it’s two again? I’d be devastated an incapable of doing that again. Also, babies don’t fix marriages, they definitely make them worse.

Also, taking on a third child was going to mean needing at least one new car, and possibly relocating to a bigger place! We can’t afford that!

Thankfully my partner supported me, and we finally decided an abortion was the right thing to do. I called Planned Parenthood, but couldn’t get an appointment for over 4 weeks. I had to wait, and be pregnant, that whole time…

When I got to PP for my appointment, the building was CLOSED!!! I was fast approaching the limit to getting a medication abortion, and DID NOT want a surgical abortion. I was shaking with fear and had a total breakdown in the parking lot. When I called them, they had zero concern for my situation, and weren’t going to reschedule me for weeks. The reason they were closed was because the provider had a personal emergency, which is what I was having right then.

My partner found a private group in our city called Your Choice Healthcare, and I called them immediately. I was sobbing and told them everything, and they told me to drive right there. They supported me, took me in, and got me scheduled. I owe them my life.

This is all to say that abortion is essential healthcare. I know it. I never thought I’d have an abortion, even though I’ve been pro-choice forever. I never understood what kind of decision it would be.

I’ve still only told two people, not even my closest friends know. It’s because it was so difficult, and such a scary experience, when I thought that I *wasn’t* going to be able to get an abortion. I don’t even know how to start the conversation about it.

I did find out it was just one. I kept the ultrasound picture. It doesn’t make me feel guilty. I kept it because it was special to me, and because I can’t believe that I got pregnant again. I guess I kind of humanized it right from the start. I’m ok with that.