I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks. I didn’t really have a specific emotion at the time but when I told the dad that I was pregnant he made me feel secure . He made me feel like we could do this. He made me feel calm. We took some time to process everything because we were in the midst of the pandemic and there were conversations about a 2 week lockdown . This was my first pregnancy and I was very scared when I thought about the possibility of going to the doctor alone or even giving birth alone, and he mentioned his fears and his desire to be there every step of the way. We discussed our options but I wanted to keep my baby alien so bad. I ended up having an abortion at 6 weeks .
Now I am about 3 weeks post abortion and I am still dealing with the feeling of loss. I am really sad about the decision we had to make and I have been journaling about my grief. I wrote a journal entry the day after I found out I was pregnant because I wanted to keep a journal for my baby to one day read. Sometimes I go over everything and wish I did things differently. I wish I kept my baby alien but I know that this was not the right time. I hope that when I do get pregnant again one day I can provide my baby with a great life and a loving family .
This blog has really helped me as well as some things I read online about it being okay for me to grieve because this is a loss .
