I matter.

by Anonymous

May 16, 2023

I had two children and then in the span of four years, I had two abortions. So first came the kiddos and then the abortions. All four are an integral part of my life experience, my struggle, my freedom, and myself.


For my first abortion, my husband and I were careless. It was one night, and a single mistake after a lifetime of being responsible. I couldn’t bring myself to carry through with the pregnancy; I just couldn’t do it to mind or my body. It’s perfectly okay to say you don’t feel strong enough, by the way. Pregnancy/birth/postpartum – these are herculean undertakings, believe me.


The abortion was a brutal emotional experience for me, though, and I was in deep mourning. More than that, I was totally shame-ridden. But after therapy and educating myself on abortion, I came away stronger than I started. I had no idea so many women needed abortions for so many varied reasons, all of them valid. I had entered a sisterhood I didn’t know existed and I now knew my voice was needed to champion its cause.


I had my second abortion a month ago. I never dreamed I’d do it again, we had a complete birth control fail and there you go. I’m still spinning over the fact it happened again, despite precautions. That part is hard. There is still pain this time around, and I’m trying not to avoid it. I sit with it and I accept it -that’s something I learned.


However, there is no shame. I know that abortion is normal, it is necessary and we need to change society to nurture people as they go through this process. I’ve held the hand of several friends who’ve suffered miscarriages. This felt normal and natural – of course I’d wipe their tears! Abortion, as it currently stands, is far too lonely. I want to be able to openly tell people without fear of retribution. I deserve – we all deserve – to be treated with the same sympathy, respect, love and nurturance as anyone else who is grieving and sad. I think the veil of secrecy over the whole thing has made is so that a lot of people incorrectly think they’ve never known anyone who had an abortion (based on the numbers, I’m certain they have).


Society needs to know who we are: the people who get abortions, who benefit from them, whose children and families benefit from them. I matter. My life matters. The GOP can honestly go f*ck itself. Ultimately they’re trying to control us, make no mistake. And shame is an essential part of their control mechanism.


I’m a suburban mom, a wife, a volunteer, a former elementary school teacher, a graduate student and so much more. I’ll never stop trying to normalize abortion. I want to help set free all the women who have lived in shame.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!