I won’t go so far as to say I felt happy or that it wasn’t still something I chose to hide from most people, but I felt like I had my life back.

by Erin Bryce Greagor

October 19, 2016

Almost 13 years ago I had an abortion. I was about 7 weeks pregnant when I had it and had been throwing up almost every hour from the moment I saw my positive pregnancy test. I’d had sex without any type of birth control and then took Plan B, but it didn’t work. Maybe I was just having bad morning sickness. Maybe it was stress. It was probably a combination of both.  Either way I was so sick I ended up having to go to urgent care twice because I was so dehydrated. I felt like my body was trying to turn itself inside out.

Never did I consider continuing that pregnancy. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I hadn’t thought of what I would do in a situation like that prior to that moment. But I knew immediately I was going to be getting an abortion. I was lucky enough to have at least one friend I could talk to openly about what was going on and she pointed me in the right direction—Planned Parenthood. When I arrived there the day of my abortion there were protesters outside. I remember feeling surprised and angry to see them and then I turned and threw up on the sidewalk. It seemed like an appropriate response to their presence.

The procedure was fast and only mildly painful. I felt immediately better when it was over and was filled with so much relief. I won’t go so far as to say I felt happy or that it wasn’t still something I chose to hide from most people, but I felt like I had my life back.

Because I made that choice, I was able to go back to college to get my master’s degree and eventually met the man who is now my husband. I know that neither of those things would have happened if I’d decided to continue that pregnancy. Most likely I would have had to move home with my parents and would have been raising a baby as a single mother. I was not mentally capable of doing that.

Just over 2 years ago my husband and I decided we wanted to have kids and that we would start “trying.” When it didn’t happen after the first year, we ended up going through fertility testing only to find out that we both had fertility issues and that we had a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant on our own. After many tests, shots, drugs, a variety of fertility treatments, support and help from family and friends, and lots and lots of tears I am so excited to say I am again about 7 weeks pregnant. This time I am filled with joy and love and excitement. I’m again dealing with morning sickness, but it’s manageable because it’s something I not only chose, but worked very hard to make happen. I have a loving and supportive partner to help me raise the child that will result from this pregnancy. I am mentally and financially stable. This is what a child should be born into. It should never be forced or unwanted or a decision that doesn’t feel 100% right for you.

I will never regret my decision to have an abortion and I can’t wait to tell my child someday what I went through to get to them. I will raise them to know that abortion is safe and normal and something that every woman deserves to have as a choice in her life if she needs it.

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