I have no regrets, but I am still grieving

by Anonymous

February 18, 2020

I was in the process of recognising that my partner was emotionally abusive and trying to leave the relationship when I found out I was pregnant. I was 32 and in many ways was ready to be a mother, but I decided I had to cut all ties with my partner in order to protect myself and my mental health. I decided to have an abortion; I don’t regret the decision I made, it was the right decision for me, and I was also scared I wouldn’t be able to protect my child from my abusive partner, even if we broke up and I was raising the child alone.

I feel sure that I made the right decision for myself, and at the same time I feel a deep sense of loss and grief. I’ve found it difficult to reconcile both my complete conviction that I did the best thing I could to create safety in my life, and the very real emotional pain the abortion caused me. It’s been almost a year since I had the abortion, and I think about it every day. It’s become easier with time but it’s certainly something that has changed my life forever. I managed to leave the abusive relationship, and have been successful in cutting all contact with my ex partner, which I am so grateful for – I don’t think I would have been able to do that had I not had the abortion.

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