It’s time to prioritize myself.
I’ve had two abortions, only a couple of years apart. I was too young and not ready, and frankly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to bear a child.
I never thought teenage pregnancy could happen to me until it did. The first time, I was 17. I was in high school, using an IUD for birth control, and with a boy who spent his time smoking weed and playing video games. I didn’t want him to be my baby’s father. I was already undergoing depression, constantly skipping school, with the wrong crowd, and I knew this was the time to prioritize myself. I told my baby’s soul to come back to me when the time was right or to find another loving parent.
This first boyfriend was aware of my abortion but showed me no compassion. He invited his friends over to smoke weed and party while I was in active medical abortion.
The second time, I was 19. After I had gotten my failed IUD replaced two years ago, I felt safe. I wasn’t safe from unwanted pregnancy. I was with another boyfriend who had barely any attachment to me. He had hurt me sexually before, and I knew this couldn’t be my baby’s father. I haven’t spent any energy on becoming myself, I had no energy to raise a child in my ideal way. I also decided to not let this boy know about my to be terminated pregnancy. He had violent traits and I didn’t know how he would react.
The second time, I chose a clinical abortion instead of a medical one and the clinical one let me get on with my life so much faster. My mom dropped me off at the clinic both times and helped me pay. She’s not for abortion, but she is for choice and for a good future for all parties involved.
I’m 22 now, and at times I wonder what my life would be like if I had kept those pregnancies, but I’m on a new adventure, a healthy adventure full of self-love halfway across the world from where I started. I’m grateful I didn’t have my babies or the attachment formed to those two boyfriends. It’s time to prioritize myself.
