I had two, now can’t conceive, still no regrets

by Kathryn

October 9, 2020

It’s taken me some time to get to this point but I’m so glad that I made it here. I had two abortions in my early 20s – the first was a careless mistake with an awful man (who left me at the clinic, then came back to pick me up drunk with one of his random buddies I had never met. So that was fun.) The second time I had taken the morning after pill not even 24 hours after I had unprotected sex, and it somehow didn’t work. I’ve spent many years wondering why I got the bad end of the stick on that so to speak, but I still was in no place to have a child. A few days after the procedure my father passed away from a longterm illness, and I linked the pain of that and the pain of the sudden procedure for a long time.

Now I am married to the most amazing man. I have a great and fulfilling career. When we were ready to conceive we had issues, although the cause is still unknown. We tried IVF a couple times and the pregnancies didn’t last. It’s been difficult, and I have thought of the children that I gave up having from time to time. But I DO NOT REGRET my abortions. I would not choose the life I would have had then with what I have now, even if it means not being a parent in the traditional sense. I am not being punished for my actions. I am experiencing a challenge that I am able to overcome because I am with an amazing, perfect, supportive partner. I hope someday that all states (and countries!) will have access to safe abortions and that the stigma of these procedures will be gone for good.

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