I had an abortion and worked at a church

by Anonymous

May 18, 2020

Content Warning: rape, sexual abuse

From the moment that I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test, I knew that I wanted an abortion. I didn’t think it was possible, because the father had lied to me using stories of abuse about how he was incapable of having children. He raped me, sexually abused me, and manipulated me, and I didn’t even have to think about how I would not have his child. I have never wanted kids, I was 20, and I was in a toxic relationship that I could not get myself out of. I made the decision that was right for all of us, even though he wanted me to continue the pregnancy. I told one friend because I needed a ride to the clinic two hours away. I didn’t tell anyone else, as I was raised in an evangelical Christian family and was attending a Christian college at the time. The people at the clinic were friendly, even though there were uncomfortable and unnecessary things I had to go through by law in order to have the abortion. The medical abortion itself was difficult and traumatizing for me as I wasn’t fully prepared for what would happen and what would happen after, and also because I felt alone through the process.

While the abortion was difficult for me to go through, the abortion itself is something that I am incredibly thankful for and I would absolutely do it again if I needed to. The hardest part has actually been living in a community that demonizes abortion, even though I know for myself that it was a necessary decision for me, and a decision out of love.

In my former workplace, a church, abortion was easily talked about as some far-away concept that only godless sinners would ever consider. Even when I try to stand up for it, they never consider that me, someone they know and respect, would have had an abortion for good reason. I was afraid to tell people that I had an abortion in fear of losing my job, or even losing close friends and family within the same community. However, I am thankful that I had it available to me and that I was privileged enough to be able to obtain one without insurance and without my family knowing. I hope to one day be able to share my story publicly and show the people that know me that abortion was a necessary decision for me and a decision out of love that anyone else has the right to choose for themselves.

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