I’m so glad I was given a choice to choose what I wanted to do with my body.
I found out I was pregnant my senior year of high school. My boyfriend (now husband) and I were scared but we did it! It was a bumpy journey but we made it through. We hit tough times and moved in with his parents for a little while when our son was three. Then, I found out I was pregnant again… I was devastated, angry, upset, and disappointed in myself. How could we let this happen AGAIN? All I did was cry! I couldn’t eat and I could barely sleep. I was so torn on what to do. My friend (who had an abortion before) suggested it and I felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. It was something I had to do. I made the appointment and my friend took me two weeks later. I’m not going to lie, it was a scary experience. There were protesters outside and it made me feel so guilty for being there. Five weeks and three days I measured from my ultrasound. I couldn’t even see anything on the screen, it was just a little black circle.
My name was called back and the nurse asked me if I wanted Ativan or to be put to sleep. I told her no. I felt like I needed to feel everything as punishment to myself. It was the worst pain I’d ever felt. I lost my breath, I started to black out, I stood up after the procedure and I collapsed to the floor. My wonderful nurse helped me up and helped me get dressed. She walked me out to the recovery area with all the other girls. She got me water. My face started to get really hot and I was starting to lose my hearing. She ran and got me an ice pack, and she did some deep breathing with me. I will never forget her. She was truly an angel. Even though it was a scary experience, I’m so happy I was able to choose what do to with my body.
My family and my husband’s family are very Catholic so abortion wasn’t even a word to say around them. So, no one in our family knows. Only my husband and my two friends. I felt like I couldn’t properly grieve or feel any of my emotions because I had to put on a smile and go on about my day like nothing had happened. I was in a lot of pain for a while and bleeding quite heavily. But I made it through and I do not regret the procedure one bit!
Fast forward three years later, my husband and I decided to have another child and we welcomed our second in early 2020. I’m so glad I was given a choice to choose what I wanted to do with my body. Thank you so much SYA for giving me a voice and helping me heal by telling my story!
