I had a abortion & it wasn’t my choice

by Emma

October 20, 2020

Content Warning: coercion

In August 2020 (age 21) I hooked up with my ex boyfriend & stayed at his place for a week. I ran out of my birth control pills but thought I’d be okay also since my mom had a hard time getting pregnant so I thought I would be the same, the last day of the visit at my ex’s I took a plan b that obviously did not work. I went back on my pills & then didn’t get my period so I took a pregnancy test & yes I was pregnant around 4/5 weeks pregnant I was shocked. I told him & he told me to get a abortion right away. I told my mom & she told me she had an abortion before & how I need to get one too. I never wanted kids but I grew a connection to the fetus growing inside me. My mom made me call a women’s clinic to make an appointment so I did. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep the baby or not but I mostly wanted to keep it. I went to the appointment Early September & got it done I was scared & I was numb & confused. Now it’s October I am 22 my ex blocked me on everything right after & left my life. Maybe it’s a good thing I got the abortion since I sleep on a couch. I don’t have a job or my drivers license & have still not graduated high school but I felt a connection with the fetus growing in me & I listened to everyone around me instead of myself but I had to act fast. I am still healing. My dad brought me up to think abortions are bad & all these things…. I feel brainwashed & I feel terrible. But if I kept the baby it would probably have no father & would definitely have mental health problems since my ex had a lot of issues mentally. & I would be struggling financially. Anyways abortion is okay. It’s the women’s choice not nobody else’s. But this has affected me a lot. I get anxiety attacks/panic attacks & wish I was still pregnant sometimes but the past is the past we can’t change the past. If you got an abortion it’s okay! It’s not bad. I am still healing. I am still learning it’s okay. Some days are worse than others but we are in this together. Everyone’s experience is different. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be happy. Whatever you are feeling your feelings are valid & things will get better. You are not a bad person & I am not a bad person for getting an abortion. Women are so strong!!! I am strong. YOU ARE STRONG. We are in this together!

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