I was 22 when i found out I was pregnant. I had just finished college and we were in the thick of covid and bringing a child into this world would have ruined me. I took a pregnancy test on a whim because I had been nauseous that week and things felt off. I can still remember how fast the line turned positive and how i never actually believed it was true until that moment. I had been on the pill for years and took it like clockwork and never missed a day. I sometimes skipped my period so I didn’t think anything when I didn’t have a period for two months. I was 12 weeks pregnant by the time the clinic was able to schedule me for my surgical abortion. I always wondered how people could get so far into a pregnancy and not know, but it happened to me and I was truly oblivious and it changed my whole world.
My partner was incredibly supportive and drove me to the clinic, waited outside (they couldn’t go in with me due to covid), helped pay, and helped me recover after. I had a normal abortion with no complications, the doctor and nurse made me feel comfortable and held my hand while it happened, it was painful but bearable. Despite everything being totally normal I still think about the experience and grieve to this day. I don’t regret a single decision and I’m still so happy with my choice, but the experience as a whole was isolating and deeply exhausting for me. I still cry and still feel intense grief even a year and a half later. I was so fortunate to have a supportive partner with me and a relatively normal experience. I was lucky to live in a place where reproductive rights are protected and I was able to get in at 12 weeks with no issue, but I know that is not the truth for so many people and those weeks feel like a ticking time bomb. Today I find power in my ability to choose, but there still is so much grief attached.
