I felt more alone even though I had life growing inside me.

by C

February 9, 2021

When I had confirmation on a positive test that I was pregnant, I went through mixed emotions… the happiness from the result that I can fall and be a mum, but at the same time scared and felt I was not ready to have a baby.  And to co-parent with the father would not work so keeping it was out of the question.

I was hiding the news from my family, so suffering from hyperemesis was difficult enough.  I had to vomit quietly in my bedroom bin or the shower, and cover the noise by playing music over it.  Constantly experienced feelings of lethargic, discomfort, and soreness through the day and night.  I felt more alone even though I had life growing inside me.  Once the surgery was done, I felt relieved and a sense of liberty.  And finally started to feel like myself again through recovery.

It has been 5 years since that happened.  I imagine what would it be like if I had not gone through with abortion. I know deep down it was right for me.  It was the best thing to do at the time.  I don’t regret it at all.

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