I felt bad for not feeling bad.

by SB

September 20, 2019

When I found out I was pregnant with what would have been my 4th child I immediately knew my choice would be abortion. There was no nagging voice like I had when I was considering it with my 3rd. No visions of how great life could be if we finally got that boy we have wanted all along. I made the appointment the day we found out.


I had to wait about a week until my appointment. I told a couple people I knew I could trust to not judge me, this did not include my family nor my husband’s.  The people I did tell were very supportive, going as far as keeping my kids overnight to get them on the bus for school so my husband could come with me. I will forever be grateful to that women for not only helping but checking in on me every day before and for a while after to make sure I was ok.


My appointment went smoothly. The staff at the clinic were nice, supportive, and non judgmental. I was in and out within a few hours. I left feeling relieved with no regrets. After a couple days though I started feeling like something was wrong with me for not feeling bad or sad. I kept waiting for grief to happen. It never came and I felt like that made me a terrible person. I talked to my husband and he said he also had no feelings or sadness or grief. We made this decision because we already have 3 very active girls who do very expensive sports and felt like we would be taking away from them by having another child. He said he feels that we don’t feel bad because it was the right choice.

Eventually after talking to other women who chose abortion I realized I was not alone in not having regrets  afterwards. What I was (or wasn’t) feeling was normal. So if you read this and are feeling bad for not feeling bad know you are not alone.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!