I don’t feel guilty like everyone said I would

by Anonymous

August 1, 2019

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks away from high school graduation as an 18 year old. I was on birth control and all it took was one night that I took it a little later than normal. I took a test after a week of not getting my period. It was the most scary thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. I had so many people telling me what I should do and what they thought I should feel. I immediately told my boyfriend who is 2 years older than me and he was the biggest supporter when it came to what I needed to hear. He was okay with what I decided to do. My mom pressured me with her Christian beliefs to not abort and allow her to have temporary guardianship, but I just couldn’t do that. If I was to have a child it would be mine. Nobody else’s. I considered adoption but deep down I knew if I delivered this baby I would want to keep it.

I was a terrified 18 year old believing my life was over because I wouldn’t be able to take advantage of this free tuition I was offered for college as a result of this pregnancy. I finally told my boyfriend I want to have an abortion. He says okay. I wanted financial stability. I wanted a stable career. I wanted a house. I wanted so many things before a baby came my way. I explained this to my boyfriend and he agreed it wasn’t exactly a good time for a pregnancy, and that he would support me in my decision. My mother on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with my choice. She went as far as not helping pay for it in any way financially. As an 18 year old girl with a basically minimum wage paycheck, it crushed my soul entirely.

My boyfriend took the 700$ it took for the procedure to happen out of his life savings. I remember going in for the first time to the place and my nerves were a wreck. I walked in and saw that the clinic actually had a lot of people waiting in the waiting room and it made me feel better. The first visit they only did the sonogram which I declined the photos and screen to see the baby on cause it is optional thankfully. I found I was 6 weeks along and had the option for a pill based abortion and that calmed me even more knowing I didn’t have to undergo a physical abortion procedure. The next time I went funny enough there was protesters outside of the clinic and it made my blood boil. At this point I’ve heard enough opinions about what I should do and barely anyone respected what I chose. I lost a very close best friend of mine based on this decision. A 2 year friendship was completely down the drain from it.

I wanted it over with. And I never felt guilty about it until people made me feel guilty on purpose. I went in and swallowed the first pill to get the process started. There were 4 I had to take all at the same time the next day that would shred my uterine lining and get rid of the baby and everything along with it. It hurt like a very bad period and they prescribed some high strength pain medication for me to take to heal from it. It lasted 2 weeks straight with bleeding. After that, it was like it never happened. I don’t regret it. I probably never will. I wasn’t ready and I still am not ready. Everyone has an opinion about abortion, but until you experience it firsthand and all the horrible things people call you for doing it, you’ll never understand.

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