I did it and I’m okay. You will be too.

I am 24 hours post termination. It was the best decision for me that I could have ever made. I have a 7 year old son and a husband and a great job. However, I battle with severe ptsd and anxiety. I am medicated for it and I choose to be because I can be a better me when I am not panicking. I chose to terminate because I need to be the best me I can be for my family. I was always the girl that said, “I don’t shame anyone for doing it, it’s just not for me…” well I was wrong. It was a blessing to me. It was the way it was supposed to be. I deserve to live the one life I’ve been given in happiness.  From the moment I found out, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t excited. I didn’t want it. I felt guilty so I made the registry, talked myself into it and tried to be okay with it at first. I wasn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about my life and how much I didn’t want this. That is what made me feel guilty. That is what made me question termination. I knew I needed to terminate because I couldn’t put myself through the anguish of being a mother with panic again. It’s a terrible feeling.  I didn’t sleep for 72 hours with my 7 year old. Not because he was up and feeding.  But because I was so anxious I couldn’t stop panicking. I continued to panic. Then I took control because I couldn’t do it anymore.  I saw a therapist. I saw my dr. I got on meds. I couldn’t stop that. I couldn’t go backwards to a place that was not healthy for me. I don’t regret my choice. I don’t regret my feelings. You’re normal to consider this. No one can make your choices for you. Remember that you are strong and you can so what is best for you. It’s not selfish. It’s not wrong. It’s powerful and it’s your body. It’s your life.