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I crumbled, but I’m making the best of it

by Anonymous

July 1, 2019

Content Warning: suicidal thoughts

I found I was pregnant, and was immediately thrown into a mindset I’d never been in. From the point I discovered I was pregnant all the way until now, just a few months later, I, for the first time in my life, considered suicide, stayed in bed for days, lost my appetite so often that my morning sickness forced me throw up the only thing in my stomach which was just stomach acid. I distanced myself from family and friends, I lost self worth, and I felt dirty. All because of the stigma around abortions. My process was actually quite smooth, I had so many amazing volunteers guide me through the process, but I was too scared to tell anyone close to me so I felt alone. No one I loved knew that I was going through one of the scariest things I’ve ever had to do completely alone. Because I was too scared to ask for help from them and had to rely on strangers, who fortunately were some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I went through a difficult thing that damaged me mentally but I am slowly growing from it, and utilizing my experience to help, and to educate others. I am grateful it happened to me rather than someone who couldn’t have handled it. I was in a good place prior, and in a bad place now, but I had the strength to get through it without it completely destroying me. There are others who don’t have the strength that I did, and I have and will use my experience to prevent those women from getting destroyed. It was hard, and it shouldn’t have been. I’m on the path to convincing my generation and one day my family and my children to end the stigma. To not allow women like me who are doing amazing in life to crumble to their worst because of a damn stigma.

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