I couldn’t give her the life she deserves .

I fooled around with a man that really loved me. I used him as a rebound and I left, not knowing I was pregnant till 21 weeks in. I was showing and co-workers kept asking if I was pregnant but I kept denying. Until I took a test. I didn’t dare to look and when I did, the lines were of course, so vivid. I was terrified. I moved out with my then boyfriend, who wasn’t the father and we booked an appointment to a gynae . I had no idea what I should do or where I should begin. I don’t remember the ultrasound because I was so terrified. Things took a turn when the doctor told me I was 5 months pregnant. I only had days to decide if I should keep her. All I felt then was sorry to my then boyfriend about how it wasn’t his. I thought more about my babygirl instead. I cried so much. I knew I couldn’t give her what she deserves. A good life. I was only 17, with no savings and living paycheck to paycheck. So I made my choice to abort.

I saw her come out of me, and it is a sight I will forever remember. I didn’t get to keep her ultrasound because the doctor convinced it was best for me not to. I wish I insisted. I have no records of her and everyday, I regret my choices. I cried every night after the abortion. Every December 13th, my heart aches because I miss my babygirl. I pray for her to come back to me one day.

It has been 3 years since. I’m blessed with a beautiful baby boy and my husband’s birthday is December 13 .

I knew my choice then was right, because if I kept her she would only suffer with me. If only I had been stronger. I miss you babygirl .