I couldn’t be the best parent possible if I continue this pregnancy…

by Annie

October 2, 2019

I am 28 years old. My partner (26) and I have been together for just under 3 years and have been living together for 2.5years. We have a wonderful, loving and supportive relationship and I know he is my forever person. I definitely do not see my future without him by my side.


I have only ever been on the contraceptive pill for 6 months of my life, about 5 years ago and I did not like the changes that happened in my body physically, mentally or emotionally during this time, so since then I have sworn off hormonal contraception.


My partner and I have been using the rhythm/menstrual tracking method and withdrawal method for the time we have been together, and whilst pregnancy has always been in the back of our minds, I have felt very in tune with my body and trusted that I was aware of what was going on, and I trusted him to pull out when required. In hindsight, it actually surprises me that it took this long to fall pregnant considering what we have been doing.

As I said, I am very in tune with my body and I actually realized I was pregnant 2 days before my period was even due. I had been having all of the usually PMS symptoms, mild cramping, moodiness and sore breasts (which in hindsight were MUCH sorer than usual)… but one afternoon I came home from work and I had an extremely heightened sense of smell… I immediately took a pregnancy test and sure enough, those two little lines came up. I was in absolute shock and although I could feel it and knew before I even took the test, I could feel the color draining from my face. I walked zombie like out to the lounge room to tell my partner who was also shocked. Once he’d seen the test for himself he said “it’s fine, we will deal with this, everything happens for a reason.”


We had obviously had discussions about what we would do prior to this in case of unplanned pregnancy, and we had always agreed on abortion. But you don’t think it will happen to you.


I cried for HOURS that night. In between the crying I called a clinic that I knew did abortion after having a read about my options and booked in for a medical abortion. They told me I was too early to be able to confirm uterine pregnancy on ultrasound so I would need to wait another 1.5 weeks until I was almost 6 weeks, so we scheduled the appointment for then.

The next day my partner flew to another city for work and wasn’t scheduled to return until the evening on the day of my clinic appointment. That week was extremely hard for me, particularly being home alone and not able to talk to my partner whenever I wanted. I went through many emotions, from anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, embarrassment and some brief periods of sadness. I felt like I couldn’t talk to my friends or family out of fear of judgement. Many of my friends have children or are trying and although my mother would be very supportive of anything I chose for myself, I felt guilty that I was 28 years old and choosing to end a pregnancy.


Although we were booked for an abortion, we spoke about keeping it and if we could get by, which we both agreed we could- we have very supportive families and both have good, stable jobs. But we always came back to the same conclusion, that we felt we were not ready to be the best parents we could be.


During the week leading up to the abortion I read hundreds of stories online and listened to a few podcasts, many of which resonated with me. By the time the appointment came around, I felt sure of my decision and ready to move past this and work more seriously on building our life so one day we could raise a family.


I was extremely anxious going to the clinic because I was embarrassed and I had read so many horror stories about the pain involved in medical abortion. The clinic was very private and discreet. I was buzzed in and was made to feel safe and welcome as soon as I arrived. There were two other people in the waiting room as well, we didn’t speak but silently gave each other a nervous, knowing smile.

I first met with the nurse who took my basic history and spoke to me about contraceptive options moving forward. She listened to my concerns and was very compassionate, kind and caring. She made me feel very comfortable. She offered me counseling services but I was sure I didn’t need them.

After this I waited a little while before meeting with the doctor. The doctor was even more amazing than the nurse. She was SO kind and caring and made me feel relaxed and comfortable in my decision. She did an ultrasound (which I chose to watch) but could only just see the sac so said she would need to do a transvaginal ultrasound to get a clearer view. She was still not sure she could see what she needed to in the sac- she said 80% sure and it was probably because I was so early, but said she could not rule out ectopic pregnancy. She said we could do a blood test today and another in a few days after the medications to ensure my bHCG levels were falling. I signed a waiver due to the potential ectopic and then she prescribed me the medications required.

I took the first medication there with her after she’d asked me if I was sure of my decision and was not being forced into this. She sent me home with lots of instructions about what to expect and what to do if something adverse happened, also with ondansetron for nausea, ibuprofen and a script for Tramadol because I am allergic to codiene which is what they would normally prescribe for pain relief. She also spoke to me at length about ongoing contraception options  and made me feel very at ease voicing my concerns. She seemed to think the mirena would be a good option for me and sent me away with some information to read and see if I would like to try it.

I paid the bill ($580) and left the clinic.


When I got to my car I called my partner immediately and told him how relieved I felt. He told me how brave I was and he apologized for not being able to be there with me. I had a realization and I told him I actually felt very empowered and lucky that we were able to make this choice and to be able to make sure we are in a position to be the best parents we can when the time is right for us.


I did not have any symptoms or side effects after taking the first medication besides some very mild cramping which I had been having throughout anyway. I went to work the next day as usual and when I got home I prepared to take the second pills.


I had a small snack to eat, some paracetamol, ondansetron and 2x Tramadol as I had read so much about how painful this process was. I gave the medications half an hour to kick in before I dissolved the 4 tablets between my cheeks and gums. I set myself up in my room with Netflix and some water and waited. My boyfriend came home about an hour after I’d had the second tablets and was very conforting and supportive through the whole process.

The following is a timeline diary that I kept to share;


6:10pm-Second pills

6:55-mild Cramping started

7:06- cramping settled

8:10- nothing – feeling very anxious

9:10- very light bleeding

9:15- cramping 4/10

9:35- cramping intensifying 6/10

9:50- heavier bleeding passing clots- pain 7/10

10:10- took extra tramadol +panadol

-pain 7-8/10

10:40 to 11:30- very bad pain 9-10/10, extreme nausea, diarrhea, felt very faint… Could not leave toilet  I passed lots of clots into the toilet during this time and bled a fair bit but not as much as I expected.

11:40- was able to go back into bed, curled up in a ball, fell asleep very quickly with my partner stroking my hair and back(probably due to all the tramadol)

3:30am- woke up went to toilet, not much blood in pad but passed a few clots and moderate amount while on toilet.

7am- woke up again, minimal blood in pad, passed a small amount into toilet

Throughout the rest of the day I did not bleed anywhere near as much as I expected. My pad was never full and the blood was quite thin- not even like a normal period- kind of like right at the start.


As you can see after taking the tablets the abortion took a while to happen. The pain at its peak was HORRIBLE. I am so grateful I had such strong pain relief, because even with that it was almost unbearable. I felt like VERY VERY severe period pain. I am grateful it didn’t last very long and I was able to go to sleep so soon after.


I actually only went through all of this last night, so am still currently bleeding very lightly and I am not sure how long it will last. I can’t see it lasting 2 weeks as the doctor suggested it may.


I still feel very at ease, empowered and relieved in my decision and knowing that when the time comes, we will be the best parents possible. I know I made the right choice for me.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!