I chose myself, over and over and over again.

by C

October 26, 2020

I’ve had three abortions.

The first , I was 19, scared and in school. The second I was 21, scared and in school once again. And the third was at 26, working a good job, independent, but it happened with a one night stand who was not interested in supporting any aspect of it.

And now, I may just be gearing up for my fourth, a second one in the same year.

I am late .

The intrusive thoughts and anxiety over having to go through a fourth abortion tore me down today. So I got online and I stumbled on this page. So may stories like mine made me feel like I’m not alone and I can actually go through this. Hopefully for the last time

I am a medical doctor and I am well conversant with the procedure. I have even performed a few myself on various patients.

I am well educated about contraception, but absolutely none of them have worked well with me. I feel so terrible that we have such limited options of contraception, and barely any research is going into finding one that has fewer side effects.

This whole thing is actually affecting my views and my relationship with sex. Having intense anxiety and thoughts every time I have sex, is making it extremely difficult to enjoy.

I’m so glad to have found a platform like this… because before I saw this page I honestly thought that I was alone in this, I thought I was the only one experiencing this. But I have found comfort and peace in all your stories, and I’m entirely grateful for them.

So, once again, I’m going to choose myself. I am currently unemployed and in graduate school, and having a baby with someone I barely know, will derail my plans in a way that may even make me habour some form of resentment for the child I’m supposed to love more than anything.

I hope that my message gets to one or two people who will be able to relate, and maybe they won’t feel so alone , like I did just 20 minutes ago.

You are loved and you matter. Whatever you decide to do. Always choose yourself.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!