I can’t give you everything you deserve from me

by Anonymous

September 5, 2019

When I found out I was pregnant it was during a period of my life that I was not even able to take care of myself. I was 20 and in one of the worst mental places I had ever been in.


I once had a professor tell me that every parent f***’s up their children in some way or another and that we all carry some degree of baggage from our childhood into our adult lives. This is because parents are humans and imperfect. I am currently the most imperfect I have ever been and because of this I know I am not in the right place to be the best mother I could ever be.


When I decide to have children I will give up everything to in order to be the best parent I can and give my child every opportunity they deserve so that they can go into life with as little baggage as possible. If I was to have my baby now I would bring it into a world more complicated and more difficult than anyone should have to grow up in. My child would be forced to live a life where they took on more of my own problems than they should have ever had to.


When I stop thinking about how it would impact my life and I think about the life of my child it is simply unfair for me to bring them into this world now. My child should not have to pay for my mistakes. My child will not be missing its life, because its life has not begun. My baby’s life now is a possibility forming in my womb. The possibility of life has always existed in my body, every month before this I made the choice to not bring a new person into the world.  Now I am doing the same thing just in a different way. Now the emotions of this process are inescapable. I feel for the women who realized this process was more difficult than they ever imagined because I am one of those women.


Someday maybe I will be in a place where I can give you everything you deserve and if I find myself there that is when I will meet you. I love you too much to let you start your life like this. I will think of you for the rest of my life.


To all the women out there – make your own choice with as little influence from others as you can.  Don’t feel ashamed to make a decision that you know is right for yourself and your baby. Society and the system has made this process more emotional than you might be prepared for. But you are strong enough to do the right thing for yourself. There are people out there that support you regardless of your decision. Respect yourself and find those people.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!