I’ve had 2. I repeat TWO abortions. I do not regret them. I do not think of what could have been. I hated being pregnant. I was 25 both times… First time was March 2020, I had an immediate panic attack, called and texted my boyfriend who was at work. He read the messages and ignore me the rest of the night. Next morning he replies “oh” that’s all. He was busy working cool, after work he got drunk as always. As for me, I was trying to keep the morning sickness down while I cared for his at the time 4 year old son he didn’t care to take care of. The kid isn’t alcohol so he wasn’t my boyfriend’s priority. After 2 days of discussion he and I agree on abortion. I made my appointment. I went in and was 6 weeks and 2 days along. I didn’t care. I walked to the room removed my pants and let the doctor do what she had to so I can continue my life. I felt nothing. Maybe because the adrenaline of knowing in a matter of minutes I wouldn’t have to give up my life. Maybe because I knew I didn’t have to hate myself or this child that I don’t want for the rest of my life. Whatever it was I was so thankful I had my options. I don’t know if it was a sign from the universe but I felt no pain and did not bleed at all. Went home and continued my day so perfectly my boyfriend’s family didn’t even give me weird looks or ask me if I was okay. They had no clue what I had just been doing the last 4 hours.
The second time was August 2020. This time I debated telling my alcoholic boyfriend. I didn’t wanna involve anyone this time. But unfortunately I had to. I told my brother and my mom because this time I could not afford the abortion. They understood knowing my boyfriend’s alcohol addiction and that I’m raising a child he created and wanted and now doesn’t want to care for. I was 5 weeks and 2 days this time around. Same thing as last time felt nothing both pain and emotionally. I knew I was doing what I needed to do. And quite honestly what those babies needed me to. I was living off of $1 lunchables and my mom’s leftover dinners because I was working to live in a society that makes you pay more in bills than what you make. No way I could of afforded children. Best part about it all is I’m happy and I’m thankful. I’m not religious but I will say I thank whatever entity is out there for having options for me. Oh and to make things better, I live with my very very VERY pro life sister in law.
