I had never knew anyone that had an abortion before. I had heard rumors, but nobody was ever open about it.
I was 20 years old and in my junior year of college. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving break and I made a appointment at the student health center to get some meds for a sinus infection. They asked me the typical screening questions, and when I told them that my period was about a week late they said it was protocol to have me take a pregnancy test. I agreed because I knew it would be negative, but everything changed when the nurse turned around and said “I am so sorry, it’s positive.”
I have never been in a relationship before. Back in February, I lost my virginity to a man who I thought was perfect but quickly became toxic and manipulative. I kept going back to him because he was my only source of validation. My mother is catholic and I had never spoken to her about men or sex before.
The first words that left my mouth were “I need an abortion.” I didn’t even realize what I had said because I was in shock, but from the second I found out I knew what I needed to do. I still had two years left of school and I knew that a child was not going to be in the picture. The nurse tried to calm me down and was extremely kind and helpful. I told her that I was afraid to tell my mother, but she calmed me down and said that no matter how mad she is, she is still my mother and will be there for me. She spoke to me about my options and the pros and cons of the pill vs the procedure, reassured me that many people at my school have the same experience, and even called a reputable gynecologist that specializes in abortions a few towns away for me to see when she had appointments. She sent me home to talk to my mother and told the receptionist to keep her schedule open for me to come back after. My friends supported me and sat with me as I told my mom, who was very upset and angry but understood and was willing to help. I went back to the nurse and scheduled an abortion. I told her that I was worried about finances because I was living on my own at school and unemployed and she told me how to apply for medicaid, which would cover the entire cost of the procedure.
I was terrified to tell the man, but my friends helped me through it. I couldn’t tell him in person since he happened to be out of the country, but I couldn’t wait until he came back because I needed to be the one to break the news to him. My friend wrote the text breaking the news and stayed on the phone with me for hours until he read my message and responded. He was apologetic and said he would support me financially if needed, but stopped talking to me after that. I would try to talk to him on campus or at the bar, but he was very dismissive. Thankfully, I had all my friends supporting me through this experience.
On the day of the abortion, my mother told my father she was going to be late coming home from work because she had a meeting, but really she was driving 5 hours upstate to meet me at the clinic. My friend drove me there and I was supported the whole time. The workers were extremely kind and I had to meet with a therapist before the procedure to make sure I was aware of what was happening and that it was my choice. They gave me anti-anxiety and pain meds and walked with me to the procedure room. A sweet nurse held my hand the whole time and we chatted about how marshalls and tj maxx are such amazing stores. The doctor communicated with me at each step to make sure I was comfortable. After, they sat me in a comfy chair in the recovery room and gave me snacks until I was ready to leave. Not once during the appointment was I nervous or uncomfortable.
I had never knew anyone that had an abortion before. I had heard rumors, but nobody was ever open about it. This experience helped me realize that accidents do happen and that I am the only one who can make decisions about my body. I was very open about my experience because I felt that this had saved my life. My friends felt comfortable coming to me for advice, and it felt great to be able to share facts about the process.
I had my abortion exactly two years ago today. People occasionally ask me what I think my life would have been like if I didn’t have the abortion. They ask me if I regret my choice. They ask me what I might have done differently. They even ask me if I wish I hadn’t gotten pregnant. The truth is, I wouldn’t change a thing. My life is fantastic. If I kept it, I wouldn’t have finished school. I would have been tied to a terrible man for the rest of my life. I would have continued going down the destructive path that I was on. Now, I’m a college graduate. I am single and enjoying it. I’m also a trusted source for my friends to come to with pregnancy scares.
My abortion made me stronger. My abortion made me wiser. Most of all, my abortion made free.
