I am not ashamed..

by RT

June 28, 2019

I am 22 years old in a steady 4 year relationship with my partner, we live together and both in full time work.. However, I just wasn’t ready for the responsibilities a child would bring. Although I hold all the qualities of somebody with a stable life and I don’t doubt that a child would thrive within but felt it was unfair to bring a child into a life that I felt had not yet been lived to the fullest.

I was due to go abroad. A highly anticipated holiday that we had been looking forward to for a long time. I was due to come on my period the a couple of weeks prior which luckily meant I didn’t have to worry about the side effects while sunbathing and swimming. I hadn’t started and I was starting to worry. I bit the bullet that weekend and bought a pregnancy test. I sat in my bathroom and waited around 20 seconds, only to be met with a positive test. I called my partner up to the bathroom and we both sat there in shock and quickly agreed that the best thing for us right now would be a termination. I booked a doctors appointment at my local GP for the Wednesday after bank holiday but the wait between the two felt like an eternity. I cried, I worried and I scoured the internet for experiences and stories. I found a lot of negative stories but also plenty of positives.

Wednesday came and the GP was incredibly sweet, friendly and caring. I asked about the risks of flying and being abroad and he referred me to the local abortion clinic who got back to me within two days. I was given appointment two weeks later. I was incredibly nervous for my initial appointment but upon entering the clinic which was located in my local hospital I relaxed completely. Everyone was incredibly friendly and caring. I was called in to get a scan where I was advised I was around 6 weeks. I was not shown the screen, nor was I asked. I then went back into the waiting room and was called into a room with a nurse who asked me a number of questions including my reasoning, health issues, my preferred method of termination and my bloods were taken. I opted on the early medical abortion where I was able to go home. However, I also was offered surgical and early medical where I stayed in the hospital.

My first set of pills were scheduled for the following Tuesday. Although I was waiting a while in the waiting room the actual appointment was over in around 5 minutes where I was able to leave to carry out my daily activities. I had no side effects to this at all so was able to go back to work.

My second set of pills where scheduled for that Thursday and luckily an early morning appointment. This was also over in around ten minutes. I was given 4 oral pills to dissolve under my tongue, some codiene pills and another blood test (due to my previous being rejected). I then left with my partner and we went home. Around 30 minutes later the tablets had still not yet dissolved and I was already in quite a lot of pain. I sat on the toilet and began to vomit violently and then I started to bleed. This went on for around 1hr. During this time I felt a lot of clots and I was bleeding quite heavily. After the 1hr, the pain died down quite quickly. I no longer felt sick and had normal period cramps. I spent the rest of the day in bed. During this time I had some ibuprofen and the pain was manageable.

A week later, I’m still bleeding but very lightly. I have slightly tender boobs but no longer have any of the other pregnancy symptoms I had previously. I sometimes catch myself feeling sad and wondering about what could have been but if I’m completely honest this is the happiest and most relaxed I have been since finding out.


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