I am a mother of two beautiful children and I just recently had an abortion.

I am a mother of two beautiful children and I just recently had an abortion. This was the hardest decision of my life. I feel a bit paralyzed and numb at the moment but, in my heart, believe this was the right choice for my loving husband and I.

In the four years of welcoming my children, I also battled cancer. It has been a very taxing four years on us mentally. My husband has also never desired for many kids and had said often he doesn’t want a third, and I have always wanted to respect that. We found out we were pregnant. It was very unplanned and not something we felt we were ready for. We are not financially in a great spot to welcome another kid, and I wanted to get the 100% all clear that I am cancer free before thinking about the idea of another baby. We felt that we were just getting to a place of pure enjoyment with our kids, our lives were less all over the place and adding a third right now might be detrimental to the health of our family overall and our marriage and mental health.

I am not writing these things out because I feel like I need to explain our decision to others, but to myself. Sometimes for the health of the existing family, this is the best choice. I am struggling with the feeling of failure and guilt. I am hoping I can climb my way out of this hole and be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend to those in my life that need me. Reading the other stories on here have helped immensely and knowing many other mothers go through the experience is a comfort.

This was the hardest thing we have ever had to decide, but this is what was right for me and my family. I pray very hard that if we choose to have a third someday, it will be the one we had to temporarily say goodbye to right now. I also am a firm believer that you never have to ask for God’s forgiveness- he has always given it freely. I have a wonderful support system and I have a husband who owns half of this decision. We will hold each other, grieve this moment in our lives, and make peace with this decision.

Sending strength and support to others facing this decision. We are never alone and this choice should always be an option and part of family planning.