I always believed (and still do) in the right to choose. I always said I was pro-choice but thought I’d personally be pro-life. I don’t think it’s right to force unwanted pregnancies but I always thought I would be too scared to pick the abortion route for myself. At 21, in a healthy solid relationship of 3 years, I got pregnant.
My boyfriend had a solid job and so did I. The emotional and financial support was there. But we were young, unmarried, and not living together yet. I could see our future, we would rush through our milestones… get married, move in together, and try to settle in before the baby’s arrival. Do everything we already planned on doing… rushed. I didn’t want a rushed life. To always wonder if we only had gone through with those plans because of the pregnancy. I wanted to know he chose me for me. Wanted the newly-wed honeymoon phase, the married double income no kids yet phase.
I didn’t tell him about the pregnancy or abortion. I knew he’d want the baby. He’d do and say all the right things. But I wasn’t ready for a baby. Wasn’t ready to give up my body. Wasn’t ready to share my partner with another being. This was a selfish decision but it was my decision and only mine to make. I stand by it.
Physically, my abortion experience wasn’t bad. I, like many others, scared myself reading online stories beforehand. I chose a medical abortion at 7 weeks. Took the 1st pill with a Nurse Practitioner and the rest at home the day after. 30 minutes later, I had intense cramps but that was the worst of it. The following days just felt like a manageable heavy period with more cramps than I’m personally used to. The worst part of my experience was keeping it hidden from my loved ones.
I love children and want some of my own one day. I thought I’d feel guilty or regret my decision but I don’t. I’m glad I had the right to choose and happy I chose myself.
