I’m 25 years old. I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years. I was okay with never having children as being pregnant was never something I felt the need to do. My husband however wanted kids and wanted to start trying so I agreed. We conceived after trying for 6 months. I was happy when I saw the two pink lines but also felt a little bit of grief for the life I would be leaving behind to be a mother.
At this point I was 6 weeks pregnant and thought that I was experiencing morning sickness which felt like death. I was getting sick up to 5-10 times a day, couldn’t keep down a droplet of water nor any food. So I’d have to force myself to eat only for it to come right back up. I told my husband at 8 weeks I wanted to abort because I felt like my body was giving out. He disagreed immediately and took me to the closest ER to get me on IV fluids and it was then I was diagnosed with hypermesis gravidarum. It helped for about 3 days and then I got even sicker. Week after week until I hit 14 weeks and again I told him I refuse to be sick any longer. By this time I had lost 25 lbs, very dehydrated and malnourished and looked and felt like dying. My husband finally came to the conclusion that I was sick enough that he would listen to me and we came to conclusion to terminate.
I’m currently sitting in planned parenthood awaiting to be put under deep sedation (fully asleep) during the procedure. No ONE talks about this shit being the most scariest experience someone can possibly go through and how isolating it is. No one talks about the shit you have to go through before you have an abortion the medication you have to take the fear it causes. So I’m here today to say that’s it’s okay to be afraid. Hypermesis Gravidarum took my soul and it took my precious baby along with it. Pray for my recovery because I fought long and hard but I’m ready to reclaim my body as my own.
