Late in my second month my OBGYN alerted me to irregularities in my ultrasound but it was too early to say for sure that the pregnancy would fail. She explained that due to complicating health and age factors, the chance for miscarriage was high and offered abortion or waiting and prayer. I chose the latter and boy was I wrong.
By my second class of a random Tuesday I was gasping, tearing up and wrenching from cramps, desperate to lay down for even 2 minutes at a time. During lunch break my husband phoned it in that I needed a sub for the rest of the afternoon due to a medical emergency — obviously the miscarriage. During the time that would have been the last class of the day blood and clots were gushing uncontrollably after a series of timed cramping/contraction episodes. Thank God I was at home teaching by Zoom during the pandemic for this experience. My students and colleagues never knew any of it. But what I assume was postpartum depression consumed me and I was diagnosed with major depression, which severely impacted life for a year.
I’m now pregnant again, too nervous to be hopeful and I’ll start in person classes during week 8 of pregnancy. Thank God I live in a state where I can get a D&C immediately if my doctor and I decide that’s best. I’m horrified by the idea of unpredictable and uncontrollable cramping and bleeding starting while I’m teaching in a classroom with your high school kids. I don’t need to go through such a visceral and excruciating experience again, I don’t want your child to see any part of it, and I sure as heck don’t want to be the new “my teacher miscarriage-bled aim class” tiktok meme.
I want a child but for me, part of my reproductive healthcare right now is easy access to a quick, compassionate and easy abortion and judgement-free follow up care so I can get back to caring for *your* kids if things start to go wrong.
I need safe medically supervised options with the support of my faith community, even when I don’t want people having every gory or emotional detail.
Trust us to do the right thing and find compassion.
