Hey there pain, how you’re doing today?

by Nele

March 14, 2020

I loved being pregnant, I loved my unborn child and its father, but it was not the right time. When I found out about the pregnancy I was traveling over land from Germany to Senegal. Luckily I was in Spain when I found out about it, one of the best places to have an abortion. Afterwards, I continued my journey but it was really hard, I was depressed, randomly crying during the day and dreamt about what happened almost every night. Also it brought up a lot of other traumas from my past. How I dealt with the pain? I talked a lot about it, even with strangers, breaking the taboo and making other people, who maybe will go through the same stuff one day, feel that it’s something normal. I did a little ritual and planted a tree, because my child was the size of an apple seed when I let go of it. I wrote a song for him (in my dreams it was always a boy), got a tattoo, wrote down my thoughts and feelings. I accepted the pain. After all, it showed me that I will be a good mother- one day, when I am ready.

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