Healing through

by Anonymous Lady

June 12, 2019

I am 25 years old, recently engaged, and a year out of college beginning my professional career. Three months ago my period was a week late, but its always late. I was not and am not on birth control, but I track my temperature and count my ovulation days. Though it is not out of the ordinary to be late, I was dreaming of butter and my boobs were swollen so I took a test “just in case.” It was positive, so I went to planned parenthood for another test. As I was waiting in the doctor room I asked if I would get my results that day, to which the kind man replied “Oh I am printing your proof of pregnancy right now.” I had no words, I quietly took the certificate and went home.

I have never wanted kids before my fiance, and always thought I would get an abortion if it happened before I felt ready. I told my fiance who told me he would support me either way. I felt conflicted which was confusing for me being that I never wanted children. He is 32, we both have professional careers, we love each other and have a wonderful relationship, I mean it would not be the worst environment to bring a child into would it? Nevertheless, I decided to have an abortion. Something inside me did not feel ready to be a mother. I wanted to see through my career, get married, travel to the middle east, and live on my own two feet for awhile. Five days after finding out I was pregnant (at 6 weeks and 3 days) I took the abortion pill.

Within 30 minutes of taking the second pill, I was writhing in pain. Intense stomach cramps so severe I was seeing lights. Three hours in I went to the restroom and passed a lemon sized sac. This moment was undoubtedly the most intense, indescribable, and heart wrenching moment of the whole experience. After it passed, the cramps were present but less intense. Holding my partner’s hand next to vases of flowers he laid next to the bed, I was able to drift off to sleep. The next day we stayed home from work and held each other. I had cramps akin to your worst period day, but I was okay and he was okay, and the pregnancy had passed. The two weeks that followed were a mix of relief, grief, gratitude, and reconnecting with my body. I experienced severe cramps and bleeding for about two weeks, and moderate bleeding for two months. Some days I could not stop crying, some days I felt strong and empowered, but everyday I felt thankful to have the choice and make the decision that I did.

Three months out the clouds have cleared and everyday is getting better. My body is starting to feel recognizable again and the bleeding has stopped. I am learning to love my body and appreciate what it has gone through. I had expected to wake up the next day and simply not be pregnant anymore and for me, this was not the case. The abortion has been one of the hardest experiences of my life, but I have not regretted it for one moment. It was the right decision and I stand by that unequivocally. I have proved to myself to be stronger and more capable than I ever thought. You are strong and capable too, because you are a woman and for that reason alone. Thank you to this forum who helped me in the trying days when I was making this choice, and after, whenever I need reminding that we are not alone.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!