Hard decisions

by Anonymous

November 9, 2020

I had my abortion in the midst of the pandemic. A surprise pregnancy just a month and a half after my husband and I got married. It came as quite a shock as he was told he had fertility issues. Before we found out I was pregnant, we both agreed we were happy not having more children, as we have my child from a previous relationship. One of our biggest reasons to not have another child was how my body handles pregnancy. I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum which had put me at high risk and gave me lots of complications. I had had my first abortion when my child was a few months old both due to health and being in an abusive relationship. As much as I didn’t want to, I felt it was the right decision.

When we found out I was pregnant fear set in, but we decided to continue with the pregnancy. I contacted my obgyn hoping that if I got on medications I could start treatment early and avoid some of the harder parts of the first trimester. I was met with doctors who refused to medicate because most medications are not guaranteed safe in pregnancy. After a week of not eating or drinking I went to the ER. Was given meds and fluids and sent home. This continued for the next several weeks. By the time I was 7 weeks, I was hospitalized with severe dehydration and was almost in heart failure. Because of the pandemic, I wasn’t getting adequate care. Normal at home health care was no longer available. My hospital had several Covid cases and a few deaths, and being high risk made me even more nervous to being exposed.

I made the decision with the unwavering support of my husband to terminate. A pregnancy I desperately wanted, I decided to end for the sake of my health. I wish it was a decision I never had to make. I still struggle with my choice but I’m working on coming to terms with it. I’ve always supported a woman’s right to choose, but I never expected to have one abortion let alone two. I feel immense shame as much as I (and my husband) try to assure me I did it for my health.

Sharing my story is incredibly difficult. There are many reasons why someone chooses to terminate, and all are valid, but in trying to find support I didn’t see many speaking out for reasons similar to mine.

Remember that our stories are ours to tell. We’d love to hear your story too!