Happy mother = happy children

by Anonymous

November 20, 2020

I can honestly say that life has been really kind to me. I have a great career, an amazing husband, two beautiful young children and a house in a prestigious suburb. And yet I find myself at my doctor’s clinic, asking for antidepressants. All because I terminated my third pregnancy at 6 weeks.

My rational side says that it was just some cells that I stopped from becoming a baby however when I see my children I just wonder what that little bean would have been like.

It has been 10 months since I had my surgical abortion and I still can’t process my grief in a healthy manner. I used to run regularly but now the thought of running makes me feel selfish. Instead I have been over eating and gaining weight.

On my “due date” I had my youngest, who isn’t even 2, in my bed with high temperature and I kept on thinking how could have I looked after her with a newborn. The reasons to terminate the pregnancy still remain but I still managed to have a panic attack at a family gathering. I told my mother and my mother in law that I had an abortion, expecting some kind of judgement but I was shocked to learn that they both had multiple abortions, after completing their family. We are Catholic women! Now when I am at church and see families with two children, I wonder if they had to terminate their pregnancies.

I am still processing this pain but have made an appointment to see a psychologist. Not for me but for my kids, they deserve a happy, healthy and active mother.

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