I am 10 years into a loving supportive marriage, in which we consciously made the decision to not have children. In October, I had an abortion because I am fortunate to live in Massachusetts where that is still possible – but not quite as easy to access as I would have thought in a state whose laws support the right to choose. The grief that hit me after was unexpected, overwhelming, and longer lasting than I could have imagined.
My abortion was a medical one at home, because getting into an appointment in person was going to be close to a month out. I wish that I had known the impact of, while hormones are high, sitting at home for a day contracting and bleeding. Now, I wish it could have been more medical feeling, rather than sitting at home feeling and thinking all day.
I am fortunate to have had incredible support through this from my husband, friends, and family. But what makes me so sad/angry is that we should be able to talk about these experiences openly (yes even at work if you choose just like any other medical procedure) and be able to have resources for those who exercise their right to choose. Employers that offer time for bereavement and birth, should offer time for abortion and grief. We should be able to have nuanced conversations about choosing abortion and not regretting it, but still experiencing the grief both mentally and physically as hormones go on a roller coaster ride. We should be able to acknowledge and have space and support for sadness when days like the “first” mothers/father’s day come up – while still not regretting your decision or doubting that it was right for you.
Normalizing abortion is so important for so many of these reasons.
