I had always romanticized pregnancy and motherhood. The creation of life so dear to one’s own being sounded like a beautiful process. With that, I was also always on the fence. I thought bringing a child into this world wrought by climate change seemed selfish.
When I found out I was pregnant I burst into tears. I knew I couldn’t keep my baby, but the thought of that process of creation made my heart so warm.. Sometimes I still fear if that was my only chance to experience it.
I remember that night in bed, my partner told me he didn’t want to keep the baby, and I’ve never felt so much heartbreak in my entire life. I sat on the floor of the shower sobbing and he held me there. He held my hand throughout the whole process, he supported me in each step, and would have supported me regardless of my choice. I love him for that, even if he doesn’t fully understand the pain and grief I went through and still feel from time to time. The whole process made us closer in the end.
I know I wasn’t emotionally or financially ready and I know it was the right decision for me. I’m grateful for the choice I had and the life I’m currently living. I still grieve the loss of my baby, but I don’t regret my decision.
P.S. This website and instagram has been incredibly healing for me. I appreciate all of the empowering people who have shared their story and have helped me find my voice to share mine. Thank you.
