I had a baby when I was 19 that I gave up for adoption. The hip pain following lasted months. The heart pain never went away. “Naughty” girls had to look after their baby for 7 weeks before the adoption to “give the baby the best chance”. The depression following lasted years. I remember every minute.  I lost a year of my life career-wise.

The baby’s father had no interest in me once I was pregnant, or of course the baby.

14 or 15 years later I was living with a man who I later married. I became pregnant, neither of us wanted a child. I had a legal abortion. Not a particularly pleasant experience, but I cannot remember the year, let alone the day or month. I have no regrets. I should have liked to be able to have the procedure as if it were a normal surgical procedure not treated as if it was something to be ashamed of.

As a nurse I have taken care of many women who have spontaneously miscarried. The fetus is always treated as if it is medical waste. The fetus is not named, there is no funeral.