We met at a dive bar. He was fun, and even had a first name I always loved. He had been venting to me about how he is going to leave his marriage. Apparently he had a young kid- possibly very young: a baby. We went back to his friend’s place and the alcohol took over. I was mortified finding out quickly after that his friends had heard us. The next day I sent him a text expressing the fun I had with him, and wondering if we’d see each other again.

Not delivered.

He ghosted me.

A few weeks later, I find out I’m pregnant.  I had no other way of contacting him, and I didn’t know his friends. I made the tough decision to have an abortion. But it wasn’t a hard decision to make- I couldn’t even tell the father about it, and I wasn’t in any kind of position to care for a child.

I opted for the medication abortion. It made me extremely sick. I had to tell my parents about it because there was no hiding how sick I was. When I went for my follow-up, the nurse did an ultrasound to ensure everything was looking right. It turned out that the medication didn’t fully work and I had to undergo a physical abortion anyways. It was painful. In the recovery room, my blood pressure took a nose-dive and I almost lost consciousness. Thankfully I pulled through after a while and was able to drive myself home eventually.

When I hear people using the argument that women are using “abortion as a form of birth control”, I get very angry. Most of the people saying this are men. My abortion took a physical, emotional, and mental toil on me. I would never use abortion regularly as a method of birth control.

I also get angry when no one thinks to hold the other party accountable- the person who got someone pregnant. Mine completely ghosted me and left me without any option for further contact. He doesn’t know our night together resulted in a pregnancy to this day. How could he?

Six years later, I’m certain he is still with his wife, raising their kid, and she is none the wiser.