Forever in my heart.

by Lyss

June 20, 2019

Content Warning: coercion, regret, grief

A week after turning 21 I discovered I was pregnant. First, I was shocked, and nervous. After feeling exhausted and unlike myself for a month.  Consumed by anxiety and fear of my loved ones reactions. My mom flipped out,  and my boyfriend had said it’ll be alright, I knew it wouldn’t   All but a few had told me what I needed to do. A college student with a part time job, and a whole life to live. I didn’t care about any of that, I cared about the life that I was now carrying. Nobody cared about how I felt, or what I wanted. My decision was selfless, I did what was best for my boyfriend. To keep peace and further resentment from my life. Only if I would have known what was to come.

A week later I found myself in a place where I never thought I’d be. Two months pregnant and I couldn’t be happier. I was carrying a baby, a blessing. Which made my decision harder, I-went through with an medical abortion ,hoping for the best but, the worst was yet to come. A week after my medical abortion I began to hemorrhage, and experience awful cramps in my abdomen. I was rushed to the hospital twice  to find out it was incomplete. I had to go through another round of medicine, and four follow up doctors appointments. I think about all that I sacrificed to make other people’s lives easier, but I have never suffered more. I loved the life I had created. The grief and depression has been consuming me. I had made a choice that wasn’t for me, but for someone who had suffered no consequence for what had happened, physically or mentally. I am still grieving, and healing from this entire process. Now I am the one holding resentment, and anger towards hose  who could not  sympathize with the amount of loss I feel in my heart. Hopefully one day I can look back on this and say it was for the best.

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