I had an abortion a week ago. When I finally admitted that the horrible way I’d been feeling all week was the way I felt during my previous two pregnancies, I was horrified. At 43 years old, my husband and I have no desire for more children. We’re looking forward to our time together once ours are grown. I was filled with frustration. We’re careful. Shouldn’t I be past the point where this can happen without trying?
Of all the questions going through my head, how to handle this wasn’t one of them. I do not want more kids. We would have to make changes but we could afford another child. Our home is happy and loving. The simple fact is, I made this choice because it was what I wanted. My husband was worried about me physically but in complete agreement. I made an appointment and was able to be seen two days later.
My intention was to have a medical abortion. I thought I was no more than four weeks along. The ultrasound revealed that I was exactly 8 weeks. I felt like my body, that I thought I knew so well, was betraying me left and right.
There’s a waiting period in my state between the initial appointment and the actual abortion. It was almost a week before my next appointment. During that time I did some research and decided on a surgical abortion, given that I was so much further along than I thought. I prepared myself for an additional wait. The clinic was wonderful and made the surgical procedure available for me that day. I called my husband to leave work and come to the clinic to drive me home.
The procedure itself took five minutes, tops. There was almost no pain. It was uncomfortable and there was about 10 seconds of tugging that felt similar to a bandaid being ripped off. That was it. The speculum was the worst part. About five days later I experienced hard cramps and passed a few clots but not much worse than a bad period.
I expected feelings of guilt or regret but I don’t feel any of that. I’m relieved to have my body and my life back. I’m also unspeakably grateful that I was able to have this procedure in a safe, healthy environment without destroying relationships or my finances. I am so lucky. In thanks, I’ve donated the equivalent of the cost of my abortion to Planned Parenthood. I hope to relieve one worry for some woman who may not be as fortunate as I am.
