February 2nd

by Anonymous

October 18, 2018

I was 17. I was in a relationship with a boy who I hoped to marry. I’m 19 now. We’ve been separate for a year and a half. Parts of me hoped it was his. Parts of me hoped it wasn’t, so it wouldn’t be that painful. He found out I was cheating on him 2 months after my abortion. But anyway, February Second of 2017 was the day. My mom made me put it off for a week because she hadn’t decided if she was going to let me have an abortion. 6 weeks inside me. While we were at  Planned Parenthood that day, we got into a huge fight and my mom left me there with my then-boyfriend and my father. I forgive her, but the one woman I could’ve had by my side wasn’t. Even the doctor was a man. I felt so empty. So if I could say one thing to parents who are in a similar boat as my parents were: let your child choose their path. I was not ready. I was young, almost 18. My biggest dream was to go to college, get my PhD, become a forensic pathologist. How could I do that with a baby? I didn’t and still don’t even have the mental and emotional stability to take care of myself at times, how could I have a baby? I couldn’t be strong enough for another life. Our minds had been set from the day we found out. I got off of work real late, told my  parents I’d be staying later to close. Drove to a Walgreens conveniently located across from a Quiktrip. Bought a pregnancy test, drove across to the gas station to pee on it. Walked back out to my car, waited, and there it was: positive. I called my boyfriend crying, telling him that I needed him to talk to me about something important. When I told him I was pregnant he says, “we’re not keeping it, right? You know we can’t have a baby.” And I agreed. Genuinely. Wholeheartedly for the well-being of a child that would grow up not wanted from the start. I would’ve loved it, and I still think about where my life would be now if I hadn’t had an abortion, and what my child would be like. But I do not regret my decision. I love my life. Love yourself.

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